last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
