I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
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