Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
