I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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