What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize