There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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