"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize