The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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