So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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