I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
