i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
