Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
