I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
