Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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