I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
