i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
