I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
