Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
