What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
