Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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