Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
