she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
