I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
