My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
