just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
