do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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