im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
