Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
