All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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