So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
