so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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