you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
