I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
