I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Pants are for mortals
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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