Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
