I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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