We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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