Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
