omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
