my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
