yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize