Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize