i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
