I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
