so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
