i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
