And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
