I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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