Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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