Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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