Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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