worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
