the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize