Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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