Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
