did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
