Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
