I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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