Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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