areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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