coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
