WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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