I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I intend to get homeless drunk
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
