Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Randomize
