Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do herpes really smell.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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