when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
