if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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