so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize