How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
