Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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