its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
