WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hippo gnu deer
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
