and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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