He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
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