He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
