U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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