I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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