Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
