Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
