Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
