i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
