..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I deserve this hangover.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
