all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
