I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ketchup is God's man juice
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
