i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
