She's JV to your varsity
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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