You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
