I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My dick has a subreddit
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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