Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
