brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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