My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
