Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
